NEW REALITIES NEWS                            September 2000

HAPPY FIFTH ANNIVERSARY TO NEW REALITIES

New Realities is happy to celebrate its fifth anniversary
We are so honoured to have been able to help client's through
their journey's of recovery from eating disorder's back to a
life filled with  positive choices, health spirituality and
empowerment. Our Centre is growing and we now have two
locations in Ontario, Canada and have  very skilled and empathic
Psychotherapists in both locations. We continue to use experiential
modalities such as Art, Movement and Psychodrama as well as other
experiential techniques in treating eating disorders.

Thank you for subscribing to New Realities News. This
is a free newsletter from the New Realities Eating Disorders
Recovery Centre. We will be sending this newsletter out on a
regular basis and it will include news from the centre as
well as interesting tidbits and articles about eating disorders
and recovery issues.

We would like to encourage you on your journey to wellness
and would also appreciate feedback and other information that
you feel will make this newsletter more useful in addressing
your needs. We will read all feedback and suggestions.

We hope that you will enjoy it!

The following was submitted by a woman who wants to share
her story in hopes it will inspire others.

Yvonne's Story

When asked to write my story, I was faced with telling the
facts of a 40-year history and the feelings I have come to
understand at 52 years old. Learning to make choices and
take control has enabled me to replace the numb 3rd person
I had created to cope with pain I was unable to feel.

I am now able to release and acknowledge the person I had
buried 40 years ago. I had remained a child in an adult
body up until the past few months. I now realize that the
past cannot be re-cycled, the present cannot be changed;
only the future can be affected. I can not recover the
lost years when my compulsive over-eating gave me a safe
place to hide - most of all from myself. I ate secretly;

I hid and ate in my car and in toilets in restaurants late
at night.  I was burying myself alive. I chose never to
grow up, because that would have meant becoming responsible
for my own choices, actions and decisions. I would have had
to stop running.

I have no recollection of my early childhood. Why that is,
for now, remains in the past. From my adolescence to 19 years
old, I started to discover that living my life for and through
others was safe.  Remaining a child enabled me to accept the
unacceptable. I was 19 years old and pregnant - my parents,
together with the social workers, decided for me that I had
no choice. I signed away my son, the only child I would ever
have. I never shed a tear, but I did eat my way from
232 lbs. to 405 pounds in 6 years.

The person I had created cried in anger, never in pain.
While introducing 16 successful romantic relationships I
never even dreamed of a wedding for myself. I was surrogate
mother to my friends and family. I had become skilled at
living in my counterfeit lifestyle; at 32 years old I was
diagnosed as morbidly obese.

As a last ditch effort I turned to a surgeon to have my
stomach stapled.  When he informed me that this procedure
was not medically sound for me I considered this a death
sentence. He had slammed the door on my last hope and I
openly blamed him for my inevitable death. After my
accusation he did open a door for me, by offering to
surgically treat my recurrent bleeding ulcer. If I were
ever to find my way out of the spin cycle of abuse and
failure this was a necessary step.

At 34 years old, my father had his first heart attack.
Like myself, he lived with a 25-year history of illness.
Frequently accused of immaturity and told to be serious
and grow up, he would respond, "If I took my life seriously,
I would not be able to take it". The night before my ulcer
surgery he said encouragingly, "Believe you will make it.
Never lose your sense of humor. Fight for life one step, one
moment at a time".

Upon being told that I almost had not survived the surgery,
I was faced with what I now recognize  as my first conscious
choice. I now had a chance for physical as well as emotional
recovery and the responsibility to embark on a path to control
my own recovery. This served as the catalyst, I chose to fight
back and live.

The path was not without detours and roadblocks. The years
surrounding the surgery were filled with personal tragedies -
both my parents died within 2 years of each other (at 57 years
old), I also lost my grandmother and sister-in-law (two best
friends to me). I cried my way to and from work, and then
there were those lonely empty nights filled with my secret
life.  I was in the spin cycle and screamed out - Stop the
merry-go-round, I want to get off!  Too much pain, too many
empty bags, the 3rd person declared to the world - get off
my back, my life, my choice. No more diets - too many failures!

There was no specific light-bulb moment. Only minor
commitments, which involved learning to make choices, then
only minor changes. I never felt deprived, I never denied
myself. I absolutely made no change in my choice of foods -
I would leave a little over on my plate every time I ate.
Within a short few months, just reducing my portions was
resulting in weight loss.

That success led to my second life-long commitment, to eat
on a small plate (whatever I wanted). With success came
strength - each minor change lead to awareness of my triggers
for eating and compulsive behavior.

In the next 10 years following the surgery, I learned to
apply these new skills to gain control. In hindsight, I
realize that only 4 years ago did I cease being controlled
by the abusive co-dependant world I created. I had truly
finally learned that power of choice was the path not the
destination.

I know I can still fumble and even fail in making good choices,
but I am now aware of the difference. This process has led
me to freedom to grow, to let go of the anger and pain.

At 50 years old, I was finally ready for new beginnings -
finally ready to cross the finish line and change my choice
of foods. I have lost 250lbs as result of this metamorphosis.
I no longer live life as a 3rd person. I am aware of my
feelings, I can cry when I hurt, but most of all - I have
been able to love and be loved in return. I now have goals
and the power to achieve them!

Yvonne Weiss

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A Book Review

Eating for Energy & Ecstasy by Lois Ferguson

With an eating disorder, food becomes the enemy. Even
those who claim they eat because they love food, general
have a love/hate relationship with it. If you add to this,
all of the information we hear about the dangers of too
much of this or too little of that, eating can become a
stressful part of life.

Part of the journey of recovery is reclaiming a healthy
relationship with food. In "Eating for Energy & Ecstasy",
Lois Ferguson, a dietician, reminds us that eating is
meant to be pleasurable. Actually, she is quite convincing
that food can be much more than that. She shows us that
food can be comforting, sensuous satisfying and fun.

Through practical, easy to understand scientific information,
Ferguson helps allay fears and make informed  choices. The
descriptive language convinces us that food is indeed something
to savour. There are lots of ideas for helping us develop new
attitudes and behaviours with food.

The book is about more than changing your relationship
with food. It is, in the end, about living a full, joyful
life. If you are ready to change your relationship with
food - and your life, this book may be just what you need.

"Eating for Energy & Ecstasy" is available by calling

1-888-440-4718 or through www.amazon.com.

----------------------------------------------------

A portion of the proceeds from "Eating for Energy &
Ecstasy" will be donated to the DARE Arts Foundation,
an educational program assisting inner city children
to develop motivation and self-esteem through
experiencing the arts.

You can subscribe to this newsletter at any time by
simply emailing us at:

newrealities@rogers.com

Please just include the word " subscribe " in the subject window of your email message.

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